Knitting, Reading, et al, Oh My!

Hope

2011-04-15T11:22:00.002-05:00

I have been struggling with anxiety again, and finally consulted again with my doctor. They are adjusting the medication I'm on and I go back in two weeks. I hate to admit that I'm struggling again. I thought I was over the problem, and I'm not sure what set it off.

I did learn a good tip off the internet for anxiety. You set a worry time for yourself every day, then when something starts to cause you to worry, you write it down and worry about it during your worry time. I'm finding that a lot of what I worry about doesn't happen or isn't as bad as I think. I think this is the key and will just take more practice on my part. I'm also trying to walk a mile a day and eat better.

So I went to www.lds.org and typed in hope. The talk I was referred to was "Hope" from Steven E. Snow, President of the Quorum of the Seventy. He said

"Hope is an emotion which brings richness to our everyday lives. It is defined as 'the feeling that … events will turn out for the best.' When we exercise hope, we 'look forward … with desire and reasonable confidence'...As such, hope brings a certain calming influence to our lives as we confidently look forward to future events.

"We should never let hope be displaced by despair. The Apostle Paul wrote that we should plow in hope' (1 Corinthians 9:10). The exercise of hope enriches our lives and helps us look forward to the future. Whether we are plowing fields to plant or plowing through life, it is imperative we, as Latter-day Saints, have hope."

Article of Faith 13

2011-03-29T09:11:00.002-05:00

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

This is the theme for mutual this year, and was the subject of a talk in the Young Women's meeting. I have been listening to the meeting online.

So at this point, I hope to be able to overcome anxiety problems once and for all and endure to the end.

The anxiety attacks have gotten better. There are days that I don't have the attacks in the morning, and when I do have them, they don't last as long as they did. Something I read earlier said to write down the things that are worrying you and then worry about them at a set time. I am finding that most of the things I am worried about when I first wake up have resolved themselves by the end of the day.

I hope also to be true. Steadfast, and hope for all things.

Grateful

2011-03-18T10:00:00.002-05:00

I am still struggling with the anxiety, but not nearly as much as I was. Yesterday, in fact, went fine although it was the two year anniversary of our miscarriage. I don't know how else to put it, but I felt carried by the Savior yesterday.

I have thrown myself into work, and that seems to be helping and my concentration ability is improving.

I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior. I'm inspired by the Japenese people and the grace we hear about during their crisis. I'm also grateful for a loving, patient husband and a wonderful daughter.

Blessings

2011-03-02T18:36:00.003-06:00

I've been truly blessed by Heavenly Father. Our car repair bill was only $300 instead of the $1200 we thought it was going to be. I've had other positive answers to prayers as well. I am really trying to work on faith and trust in God.

I finished the library reading program. The finisher's prizes were a Wichita Public Library mug, a packet of hot chocolate, a packet of tea (I think herb tea), a package of microwave popcorn and a $5 gift certificate to the Friends of the Library bookstore. I read books I already owned and cleared some space on my shelves.

We talked in Relief Society this week about trusting God, and I have been thinking I'm a lot like Peter figuratively. My faith starts out well, but then the stormy waters come, and I get frightened. I'm grateful the Savior is there to guide me to him.

Anxiety and the lds.org

2011-02-23T09:09:00.002-06:00

I'll admit it. I'm struggling with anxiety problems again. So this morning, I went to www.lds.org and typed "anxiety attack" in the search engine.

Here is what I found in an article by Nancy M. Christensen, "My Personal Parable for Peace", Ensign, July 2006"

The door was locked. I caught up with them, slid my key into the lock, and tried to turn the handle, but the boys were each holding it so tightly that I could not turn the key.

The words “If you would just let go for a minute, I could turn the key and let you in” tumbled out of my mouth. Almost immediately, my sons relaxed their grip. I turned the key, and we were inside the house.

As I said those words, an image popped into my mind. I imagined the Savior standing next to me, repeating my own words back to me: “If you would just let go for a minute, I could turn the key for you. Let go. Let me help.”

I had my answer. I realized that by letting go of the fear and worry, I could open myself up to the love of the Savior. My fears may or may not materialize, but when I trust in the Lord, somehow things work out for the best.

As I let go of my worries and put my trust in the Savior, I have gained a testimony that through the Atonement, our most difficult burdens can be lifted.
_____________________________________________________________________
I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father and a Savior that love us enough to help us through all our infirmities. I am also grateful that we have an uplifting site to go to like www.lds.org that is available when we need it.

Adversity

2011-02-21T11:04:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I missed my sacrament meeting, so I went to the later one. The first talk was a youth speaking that spoke about David and Goliath and what Goliaths we have in our lives.

The other two talks were also about overcoming adversity. I really needed these talks, and they have made me think. I know three of my Goliaths are decouragement and depression and fear the opposites of faith.

The middle speaker shared the fact that she had miscarried and what the adversity of that had taught her. So I am redetermined to make my adversity stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

No Braces and Concert

2011-02-16T14:56:00.003-06:00

This is my beautiful daughter without her braces. She had a choir concert last night along with her stepsister, Ari. They did a great job! One song that sang was about Joshua and the battle of Jericho. I can't imagine what it would be like to see the walls of a city crumble because you walked around it and then shouted. What blessings the people received for following a prophet.

Sunday School Lesson

2011-02-15T14:26:00.003-06:00

Our lesson in Sunday School this past Sunday was titled, “[He] Took Our Infirmities, and Bare Our Sicknesses"

There was an awesome quote by Brigham Young, Second Prophet of the Church.

“Miracles, or these extraordinary manifestations of the power of God, are not for the unbeliever; they are to console the Saints, and to strengthen and confirm the faith of those who love, fear, and serve God” (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [1941], 341).

The teacher also asked us if we could be present at any of Christ's miracles, which would we want to see?

So I ask that here, if you could, which would you want to see? (Aside from the resurrection)

Today for a Change

2011-02-10T17:36:00.002-06:00

Today went by really quick. For a while there it seemed like days were just dragging, but then we have today where it was non stop all day. So be careful what you wish for...

Snow Day

2011-02-09T11:59:00.003-06:00

I actually have a snow day with my entire family. Reports have said we got 9-12 inches of snow, so school was cancelled and my husband's plant closed. After that he took my car around the block and said the roads were bad, so I'm home too!
The storm started yesterday and the actual temperature was 7 at about 4:00 p.m. It's supposed to be really cold today as well.

I have been reading, "Becoming Jane Austen", and will knit on my socks for soldiers in a little while.

I'm glad I have a family that I enjoy spending time with.

Storms

2011-02-07T10:54:00.003-06:00

Today as I'm dragging myself around doing errands before work, I saw this at the post office, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain".

Pretty good summary of what I needed to hear this morning.

Anniversary

2011-02-04T11:21:00.002-06:00

Nope, not my wedding anniversary. It's the anniversary of the day I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints 33 years ago.

I am so grateful that my stepmother introduced my father to the church and then they introduced me to it. I may have been the recipient of trials and tribulations, but I've also been the recipient of great blessings.

Master the Tempest is Raging

2011-02-03T10:01:00.003-06:00

This is one of my favorite hymns. I feel right now like the tempests are raging in my life. I long for peace and tranquility.

I have decided last week that Elizabeth and I will read one scripture, at least, every night, and we would do the scriptures listed for the values in her Personal Progress for church for the girls 12-18. The first value taught is faith. This is a value I struggle with. Our scripture last night:

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

There are a lot of things in my life right now that I wish I could see as opposed to just hope for, so that's probably why I was led to this scripture. It's not just one thing that is causing my anxiety, but many things, some of which are financial, but I will just keep paying my tithing, and praying. I know I've been blessed recently for paying my tithing in being able to stretch our resources.

So this morning I was reading Boyd K. Packer's talk "Do Not Fear" from the April 2004conference. He says "Fear is the opposite of faith". "As a grandfather who has lived a long time, I counsel you to have faith. Things have a way of working out. Stay close to the Church. Keep your children close to the Church" "Find happiness in ordinary things, and keep your sense of humor" "Life will not be free from challenges, some of them bitter and hard to bear. We may wish to be spared all the trials of life, but that would be contrary to the great plan of happiness, 'for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things' (2 Ne. 2:11). This testing is the source of our strength."

Followers

2011-02-02T14:22:00.003-06:00

Well, I'm told that Elizabeth and her stepsister KC are now following this blog. That gives me, wait for it, three followers.

I have three books finished now (and only three more to go) by March 15, 2011 to complete the Adult Reading Programs for the library.

I've read - The Mirror Cracked from Side to Side by Agatha Christie, Murder in Three Acts by Agatha Christie and Ella Enchanted. One of the best quotes comes from Murder in Three Acts "In the world there is nothing so curious and so interesting and beautiful as truth."

Well one truth is that I love my daughter and my bonus daughters (Ari and KC) very much, so here you go.

Obedience to the Prophets

2011-01-27T12:33:00.002-06:00

This was a talk by Elder Claudio R. M. Costa for General Conference, October 2010.

He was sharing principles that President Ezra Taft Benson shared in 1980 at a BYU Devotional. President Benson was serving as President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles at that time and titled his talk, "Fourteen Fundamentals in Following the Prophet"

I could quote them here, but it would be better for an individual to read the talk. There were many parts that stuck with me, but one was the eighth fundamental, "The prophet is not limited by men's reasoning". Elder Costa quoted President Benson, "Does it seem reasonable to cure leprosy by telling a man to wash seven times in a particular river? Yet this is precisely what the prophet Elisha told a leper to do, and he was healed (2 Kings 5)."

It was a very powerful talk, and I'm grateful for living prophets and the scriptures and past prophets as well.

Work and Talents

2011-01-25T10:15:00.004-06:00

I was reading in the Gospel Principles Manual trying to get caught up on past lessons, and the lesson is entitled "Work and Personal Responsibility"

One of the best quotes I have read is as follows:

President David O. McKay said, “Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that the power to work is a blessing, that the love of work is success” (Pathways to Happiness [1957], 381).

This hit me like a ton of bricks. So for today, I'm grateful that I can work instead of wishing I didn't have to.

Also, regarding talents I noticed for the first time that the reward for the servants who had five talents and increased it to ten and the servant who had two talents and increased it by two was the same in the parable of the talents.

"Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord". I need to quit being envious of others talents and just increase the talents that I have.

My First Award

2011-01-24T09:46:00.002-06:00

Thank you Rachel, for the award.

Rachel's blog is http://www.chasingthecrowntochasingchickens.blogspot.com/, and it very informative and yet entertaining.

7 Things about me

1. I love to knit.
2. I love to read.
3. I am LDS.
4. My daughter and my husband are the most important people to me. Both are amazing people, and I'm glad Heavenly Father blessed me to have them in my life.
5. I am a Legal Assistant and have worked in the legal field for about 13 years.
6. I am grateful for the gift of repentance.
7. I am grateful for the blessing of prayer.

Ice Ice Baby

2011-01-20T09:51:00.002-06:00

That's what we had last night. It came down quick and left me stranded at work because the roads were too slick to drive home. Luckily my boss has a couch in his back office, I had books with me, we had money so I could order pizza, and I had pop. I missed my family, but Elizabeth was at her dad to prevent her from being out on the roads, and Cary was home since he gets off work earlier then I do. He was already home when it hit. He said my dogs kept looking for me though.

Elizabeth and Facebook

2011-01-19T16:44:00.002-06:00

Just when I was feeling down, my daughter posts the following:

truth is,
you're my mother.
why did you have to like this status?
truth is, you're weird.
and hardworking.
...you're my mom,
but iloveyou.
truth is, you have a funny laugh.
you're uber gorgeous mommy.
and your birthday is in nine days. (:

He Heals the Heavy Laden

2011-01-19T14:32:00.002-06:00

Today, I'm feeling laden, heading toward the heavy. I went to www.lds.org and typed in the word "panic" in the search engine.

The first talk that I saw was "He Heals the Heavy Laden" Dallin H. Oaks in the October 2006 session of conference. He is a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

The most important part of the talk for me was:

Brothers and sisters, if your faith and prayers and the power of the priesthood do not heal you from an affliction, the power of the Atonement will surely give you the strength to bear the burden.

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,” the Savior said, “and I will give you rest … unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28–29).

As we struggle with the challenges of mortality, I pray for each of us, as the prophet Mormon prayed for his son, Moroni: “May Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, … and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever” (Moroni 9:25).

I testify of Jesus Christ, our Savior, who invites us all to come unto Him and be perfected in Him. He will bind up our wounds and He will heal the heavy laden. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen

Tithing

2011-01-18T12:08:00.003-06:00

I just had a thought. In order to go to the temple you have to be a full tithe payer for four months. There is nothing said about trying to catch up all the tithing you may not have paid.

In other words, I shouldn't worry about the part I have been behind, but just worry about December on and I can still be blessed.

Inspiration and Job Search

2011-01-18T11:35:00.003-06:00

So I was reading the lesson about Sacrifice in the Gospel Principles manual and the scriptures at the end of the lesson, and I read

Luke 2

24Consider the aravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?

25And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?

26If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?

27Consider the alilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

28If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; ahow much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?

29And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of adoubtful mind.

30For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.

31¶aBut rather seek ye the bkingdom of God; and call these things shall be added unto you.

32Fear not, little aflock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the bkingdom.

33Sell that ye have, and give aalms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a btreasure in the heavens that cfaileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth.

34For where your atreasure is, there will your heart be also.

This bring me much comfort even though I am worried about searching for a new job with insurance and stability. I have had this job for ten years, and I'm not excited about looking for a new one. In fact, I'm quite terrified. I would much rather we just get more business here, but it looks like that is not the case right now.

I told my boss last week that Cary wanted me to find something where I could get cheaper insurance, and today my boss was encouraging me to do so. My job here is as long as I want it, but there is a question as to whether or not my boss will have the money saved up to pay me during the month of May when he is going to be gone. We have a tax refund coming, and we will put that aside, but I'm not sure if that will cover it, and I'm hoping that we will have enough business while my boss is gone to cover payroll.

Anyway, as I start to stress about all of this because I'm not sure I can even find a job, the scriptures above comfort me. I haven't also paid tithing like I should, but I recommitted myself in December, so for the first time in a while I have some inner peace that I'm doing what I can.

My father and I have discussed this, and he said that if one pays his tithing everything will be okay. Dad and Jill have always had their needs taken care of, so I'm going to trust in the Lord as I look for a new job. If I'm meant to stay here, then I won't find another job. If I'm meant to do something else, then I will be hired. Still anxious, but I feel more faith, and it's not something I have to do right this minute. I did update my resume today and looked in Sunday's paper yesterday and there wasn't anything.

Start of Reading Program

2011-01-17T17:09:00.002-06:00

Are you as tired of hearing about my feelings, as I am having them? Fear, not. Aside from a little bit of job hunting, yes, really, everything is going okay for me. I even worked an extra hour to make up for missing time last week.

Tyler, my bonus son, is off to college, and what I hope will be an excellent adventure for him. I'm grateful I at least went to business college.

So, yeah, my reading program. I started an Agatha Christie mystery last night. Pretty light reading after reading, the Tudor Queens of England, but I need something easy. I only have two months to finish six books, so I need some fast reads. You have to read books that were made into movies. Any suggestions?

We are studying New Testament in Sunday School, and I'm not too far behind yet, so there is reading that, and then yesterdays and next Sunday's lesson in Relief Society. I have several back lessons to read, but I'll get there eventually.

Anxiety Attacks

2011-01-14T15:41:00.002-06:00

I'll admit it here. They started again. Not full blown, but they are hanging in there. I feel like such a failure today, although it may be some of the January blues that I get each year at this time. I thought this year might be different, but no such luck.

I hate it when I feel like this. I start to feel like a failure and then all the things I am failing at come rushing in. I guess for judging, I may need to be easier on myself.

It's a lot of effort to get through the day today.

Socks for Soldiers Miracle

2011-01-12T12:35:00.002-06:00

Today, I'm grateful for having the ability to make Socks for Soldiers though I don't work on them as much as I should. Since Dave is going, I am renewing my dedication. Socks for Soldiers has pretty much been all I knit except for a pair of socks for my daughter each year for Christmas. I just haven't knit as much as I used too. Today, I was checking my email and found this email from Kim Opperman, President of Socks for Soldiers, Inc.

With all the negativity we read and hear about, I thought I would share this.

____________________________________________________________________
{Putting on my mothers best lecturing face and voice}
How many times do I have to tell you to not pick up soldiers in airports. Sheesh!!
AND........
If you are going to pick up soldiers in airports,and then come to me asking if we can find this guy {out of 5 bizillion soldiers on the globe} and send him some care packages, you can at least remember to get his ADDRESS for me, huh????

{readjusting my mom apron and improving my stern mom look}

Now....
I get this wonderful email from Ms Brooke, who so kindly found, rescued, fed, clothed and provided shelter to this young Airman headed to Korea. She lovingly and kindly drove him for hours to get him where he needed to go, paid for his hotel, and gave him all of her cash,
AND
FORGOT
TO
GET
HIS
ADDRESS..... .......
I am having flashbacks to several other stories of knitters in the past. I remember Ms Stephanie from MI, befriending an Airmans mom in San Antonio TX. Yes, yes, yes....the facts are coming back to me now....We spent hours talking, crying, sharing photos, hugging, and knitting.... .
AND promised this boy's mama that we would send him and his unit care packages.... ..
AND
then asked if we could send him some care packages, I ask
HIS ADDRESS?
Did you get any contact information?
You have his NAME?

And then how about that awesome incredible story of our traveling member Gail K, driving from VA to WA??, only to witness a highway accident, in some unknown town, in some unknown state. Because she is an EMT she calls 911, sets up triage, and goes to her vehicle to wait for emergency help to arrive. As instructed by Sarge, she pulls out her handy soldier sock knitting, so as to take advantage of every knitting opportunity available to get those long socks completed sooner.
As the police officer asks her to roll down her window, he asks what she is doing. She explains {as coached} that she is knitting socks for soldiers. He breaks out into tears as he pulls his pantlegs up to show her his hand knitted socks he received several months prior while deployed in Iraq. He tearfully explained in detail at the incredible experience it was to wait in these long lines for an hour sometimes to get up to the boxes to select an item from our care packages. He begged for another pair, explaining he washes and wears them daily. She said, if you deploy again, we will send you care packages.
So, I tearfully {ok, I was sobbing by now}asked
DID YOU HAPPEN TO GET HIS NAME? RANK? BRANCH OF SERVICE? CITY? COUNTY? STATE?
No?????

Lucky for all of you, that I have a Vice President son that is well connected, and knows how to find people in Iraq, Afghanistan and even Korea.....Really, some of us owe him a couple gift cards to Red Lobster, and some hand knitted socks. lol He has to search thousands and thousands and thousands of military sources, and then narrow down his searches. He has to make contact with him, get permission to release a contact email address, then contact me.

Ok, so I emailed Tom, and said:
Here we go again......Can you find a kid named Destry in Korea for me, please?
I got the email, and it said
HERE HE IS MOM!

Brooke did not want me to share this whole story, because she feared she might look like she was bragging. I said you do not look like you were bragging. I am so grateful you were there to assist him.
WAY TO GO BROOKE IN CALIFORNIA!
And.....
Yes, I have emailed Destry in Korea, and we should be hearing from him shortly. I am adding he and his unit to our care package list.
Read this awesome email from Brooke, and have your tissues handy.
Thank you Tom for coming through again.
The moral of this story is
GET THE ADDRESS AND CONTACT INFORMATION, PLEASE!!!

Below Brookes email to me, is also links to the Sean Kasper San Antonio story, and the policeman story with the hand knitted socks story.
"Chance Encounter" by Gail K
Read the Stephanie meets Sean Kasper's mom story to the end, because it has a special surprise in the story. Then another guy named Carlos found one of the flyers from Seans unit, and sent $5 requesting a pair of socks. We sent him a truckload of socks, caps and supplies. Gi to a search box and type in CARLOS. We have tons of photos of all of those units in our albums too. Then a medic named Levi found one of our Dear Hero letters from Carlos' boxes, and wrote to us asking for boxes for his unit.

"Forwarded Message Attachment--
Date: Wed, 5 Jan 2011 17:43:41 -0800
Subject: help finding an airman in korea
From: k1p2ssk@gmail. com
To: Bagelllady37@ aol.com

Hi Kim: first let me share a story with you and ask if it is ok to be posted to our group. Not post the entire story, just if anyone knows this kid......the details are not important how we met.

I was traveling on Veteran's Weekend - Nov. 2010 - when on that Sunday, landed at Sac International Airport in Sacramento, CA. While waiting for our luggage - I noticed a young military kid in the Southwest Customer Service office. The body language indicated things were not going well. He was in civilian clothes, but with the haircut and the military duffle bag - I knew.... I told my friend i was going to see what was up.

I went in and the kid was sitting there - clearly stressed. I told him I was an Army mom and asked what was going on. He is AF, had started his travels about 8 hours earlier in Florida and started 16 days of training in the am out at Beale AF Base - when he got off the plane, he realized he had left his wallet in the seat pocket of the seat in front of him. He now had no money, no travel vouchers and a dead cell phone.

I did the "mom" thing and started asking questions of SW - the plane had not left and it was beyond me why they could not just look in the seat pockets - the kid told them what seat he was in.. How hard can it be... Long story short, the plane left - with his wallet.. of course they did not tell him that.. had to wait until i asked them for a status.. Sooo frustrating. . Seriously, it was VETERANS WEEKEND and they are jacking around an active member of the military - A KID...

I told my new airman that we would give him a ride to beale (it's about an hour drive from the airport, gave him all my cash - he tried to refuse, but i told him it was a direct order and he was not allowed to say no! We had a lovely chat made sure he not only got on base, but drove him to his housing and since he did not have travel vouchers, insisted that they check him in using my credit card. He could deal with replacing the vouchers while he was there for training, and the housing guy said he'd put a note not to charge my card but to make sure the vouchers were used. My airman promised not to charge a bunch of stuff to his room on my dine!

Kim, he was so cute.. so young, he just kept saying "thank you for being so nice to me." I just told him it was a mom thing and that the Army doesn't leave anyone behind - even if they are in the Air Force!

I gave him my business card and told him if he found out that the wallet ended back in SAC, i'd pick it up and drive it out to Beale AF base for him... One of the things the airlines told him was that he'd have to set up a Fed Ex account so they could ship his wallet to him IF it was found!! Really? How is he going to do that from Korea??

I filed a complaint with Southwest for all the horrible ways they treated this kid and how if they are going to promote how awesome they are in their magazine, they missed an opportunity to show it.

Here is what I know about this kid: His name is Destry H*****, he is now in Korea. His works in avionics (fixes the control panels on a specific plane, but i don't recall which one. His family is from Kentucky - his dad works at the Koehler factory (sinks, toilets, etc), his mom is disabled and his little brother is about 7 yrs his junior. This kid is only like 22 years old or so.

I don't expect the entire story to be posted and really it should not. My thing is if you tell someone a good deed you did - it does not count. I'm telling you so you don't think I am some crazy stalker person....

What are the odds (God works in mysterious ways) that you have Destry ******* in your system already to send to his unit/group whatever the air force calls it in Korea?? I'd love to send the kid a note to see how he is....see if he ever got his wallet.

Just wondering.. Maybe you could send an email to one of your guys who is in Korea and ask if they know this kid. He's been on my mind.. I kinda got the feeling his family was straped financially and outside of SFS, I'd love to send the kid some care packages.

Brooke in CA

The Three R's of Choice

2011-01-11T15:35:00.002-06:00

This talk is from President Monson from the Priesthood Session of Conference in October
We have the right of choice.
The responsibility of choice
The results of choice.

"Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed--the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny."

"No temptation, no pressure, no enticing can overcome us unless we allow such. If we make the wrong choice, we have no one to blame but ourselves."

"We have all made incorrect choices. If we have not already corrected such choices, I assure you that there is a way to do so. The process is called repentance. I plead with you to correct your mistakes. Our Savior died to provide you and me that blessed gift. Although the path is not easy, the promise is read: 'Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.' 'And I, the Lord, remember them no more.' Don't put your eternal life at risk. If you have sinned, the sooner you begin to make your way back, the sooner you will find the sweet peace and joy that comes with the miracle of forgiveness."

Then President Monson speaks of Brother Clayton M. Christensen. "The lesson he learned is that it is easier to keep the commandments 100 percent of the time than it is 98 percent of the time."

My Brother Leaves

2011-01-11T10:43:00.002-06:00

My brother is in Washington with the reserves preparing to go to Afghanistan. He is my younger brother by 14 years, and I worry about him.

I am grateful for all the service men and women who sacrifice their time and themselves for our freedoms. I'm grateful to those parents and spouses and children that sacrifice their loved ones for our freedoms.

My dad just called to ask "how is the mother of his favorite grandchild". For now, Elizabeth is his only grandchild, and he adores her. He teaches seminary, and I broke it to him that she really doesn't want to go. He didn't call me to repentance, and I did tell him that a lot of it is getting up so early. He said she needs to try it before she says she doesn't want to do it.

A lot of my testimony was built in seminary. I want her to have a testimony, and I want her to use her free agency wisely. I want to learn by faith, the things I have. I want her to be like Nephi and feel that she is of goodly parents - all of them. Cary is a good person and has a relationship with God, it's just his own relationship not the same as mine.

Rachel is calling this month "No Junk January or De-Junk January". For me, I'm going to try and make it No Judge January. I'm going to try and judge people less and love them more. This will take a lot of work. I have become aware that I judge alot without meaning to, and it's a habit I need to break.

Snow Day, I Wish

2011-01-10T14:31:00.003-06:00

We are getting a pretty snow outside. Sadly, I am having to watch it from work instead of curled up on my couch at my house with a book and my dog warming my feet. However, we need the moisture here.

Anyway, so today I'm grateful that I have a warm home to go to and enough money to heat it and books to enjoy. I'm also grateful that I have a safe vehicle to drive whose heater works. Even though I would rather be home, I'm grateful I have a job in this time of economic recession.

Elizabeth is safely at her dad's and probably playing in the snow with her sisters. Rachel gave them a snow day, and I'm thinking they may have another one tomorrow.

Cary started using my dehydrater and we plan to continue it to build up a food storage, so I am trying to be obedient and prepared - just in little ways instead of trying gigantic things that I won't be able to keep up with.

If I do get stranded at home it's nice to be able to do something like this bike. I'm sure I have the yarn in my stash. I don't know where this picture came from, but Don sent it to me last week.

An Attitude of Gratitude

2011-01-07T13:02:00.003-06:00

As anyone reading my blog may have noticed, I've been focusing on the attitude of gratitude.

Today I had a few minutes left of my lunch hour, and wanting to catch up reading the conference talk, I took the papers I had clipped and stuck in my purse. What greeted me on top was not a conference talk from the latest conference, but instead a talk from General Conference in April 1992 by President Thomas S. Monson entitled, "An Attitude of Gratitude".

Now before going into what he thinks we should be grateful for, I want to explain something. I do not believe that all depressing is due to a lack of gratitude, though I have heard that opinion. I think of depression to be like my glasses currently, and I'll explain.

My glasses are foggy in one of the lenses towards the bottom, and they can't be repaired. I need to have them replaced, but have avoided the expense for as long as possible. I can read without my glasses, but need them for driving and computer work. In fact, my glasses can become a stumbling block to my reading a book or magazine, so I often take them off at night to do so.

Well depression is like that to me. It fogs up our ability to see life and our circumstances more clearly. Sometimes it may be a matter of changing our thinking about a situation or cleaning our glasses. However, sometimes it may be that we need further help or a new prescription to help us see more clearly what is in front of us.

President Monson said "Well could we reflect upon our lives as individuals. We will soon discover much to prompt our personal gratitude". He goes on to list and explain the following, however, I will just list the items.

1. Gratitude for our mothers.
2. Gratitude for our fathers.
3. Gratitude for our teachers.
4. Gratitude for our friends.
5. Gratitude for our country.
6. Gratitude for our "Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ".

In my life I have found my definition of "mothers" to change. To me it is not just a matter of birth, but also a matter of intent. "Fathers" are the same way. There are many good people who are stepmothers or stepfathers or even just additional parents that care for us.

Though my daughter doesn't always say so, I know she is grateful to have a mother and stepfather and a father and stepmother and even a bonus father. What is a bonus father? Well, in this case, it is the father of her stepsiblings who loves and includes her with his other children. Although divorce is not ideal, we have all tried to make the best of it, and as a result my daughter has 4 1/2 parents that love and care for her deeply.

I am also blessed that her stepsiblings consider me their bonus mom. I'm not married to their father, obviously, but I love them deeply. My relationship with them has better helped me understand and appreciate the relationship I have with my own stepmother, to whom I now refer to as "Mom".

We all have teachers whether it is at school or church or just in our lives. They can make a huge difference if we keep ourselves open enough to listen. We can all be a friend to someone and thus have friends in return. It takes going outside ourselves, which I struggle with, but it is worth it.

Gratitude for my country is very much in my mind. The more I read and hear about the rights of women in other countries, the more grateful I am. I can read whatever I want when I want without the fear of physical violence. I can write this blog without fear of harm. My daughter can go to school and learn along with her male counterparts without being physically harmed or mutilated. Yes, we women and men have different roles, but we are blessed with the freedoms to explore those roles for ourselves without fear and punishment from others.

Mostly, I am grateful for the Savior who has given me everything including the ability to pursue a relationship with him. I am working on my end of the relationship, but I'm making progress.

Library

2011-01-06T14:25:00.002-06:00

So today in addition to other things, I'm grateful for the public library. First of all, if Bookaholic doesn't take my used books for whatever reason, I can donate them to the Friends of the Wichita Public Library who keeps a store at the main branch.

I went today and donated three books and found two more that I had been looking for. "The Lady Elizabeth" a novel about Queen Elizabeth the first by Alison Weir and "Loves Music, Loves to Dance" by Mary Higgins Clark that I thought I had already read, but the book on CD I checked out doesn't seem familiar. Grand total spend $2.50. Of course I also tend to check out a lot of books from there the library as well from the downtown branch, the Alford branch (near my work) or the Westlink branch (between my house and Don's and near the church).

The library does a reading program each year with a different theme for adults in the winter from January to March. You get free prizes for completing a number of books from different catagories and are entered for drawings. I have participated every year but last year. It starts on January 10 this year. I think the theme has something to do with books that have been made into films. If so, I will start with "Loves Music, Loves to Dance" since it was a made for TV movie. I also have "The Time Traveler's Wife" that Rachel gave me which is also one of the BBC's 100 list. I think I probably have some Agatha Christie books that have been made into movies as well, but I'm not sure. So many books, so little time. :)

First Goal Completed

2011-01-05T13:56:00.003-06:00

My first goal of the new year was to complete the Book of Mormon. I started in 9/2007, and it's taken me this long, but I finally finished last night. I'm very grateful for the sacrifice that the prophets of old to provide this for us.

The next thing I'm grateful for is to have been born in this country. Today we have a client who escaped from East Germany at 18 years old. She went back in 2000 and obtained some German books and were given some by her brother and former classmates. Her live in boyfriend of 19 years took them, and it brings her to tears because those are her only memories. I'm glad that I'm living where some of my memories occurred and can go back to Nevada regularly for the other memories.

I'm currently reading a book, "The Tudor Queens of England" by David Loades. I'm grateful I was not born in Tudor times either to the peasant population nor the nobility. My value in life is not whether I can produce an heir like it would be for the nobility of that time, nor do I experience utter poverty and hardship like I would in the peasant class. I am also glad I am not a victim of the plague. Asthma is hard enough :)

Things are improving for me in many ways. Elizabeth started back to school after Christmas vacation today, which makes for an early morning since she has to be at school by about 7:30 and goes to school about 20 - 30 minutes away from my house (one way). I am tired, but not exausted. This is good because she has church tonight, so it will be a late night for Mom.

My work situation is improving. My office manager is sharing some of her work load, which makes me feel more secure in my job and gives me a more varied amount of things to do when it is slow.

I'm also grateful that I'm not a victim of domestic violence. I found out a friend of mine who has been remarried about the same amount of time as I have is going to have to pursue divorce due to domestic violence. I'm glad that like her, I will always have my own home to go back to. I'm grateful for domestic peace.

New Year

2011-01-03T09:21:00.002-06:00

I'm thankful for Cary and Elizabeth and the wonderful weekend we had. Cary made a ton of food and was excited to play games, so we played spoons. Then he quit but Elizabeth and her friend and I played Operation. Cary put the game up later. He said he didn't want us to die from the electric shock. Silly husband.

We also had a good time at Sacrament meeting even if it did start a 9:00 a.m. When Elizabeth and I got home, we spent some mother/daughter time snuggling before she feel asleep. I finished two books yesterday. "Outlaw Tales of Kansas" by Smarsh (and that may not be the exact title and the one about it not being an empty nest, just more closet space by Lisa Scottoline.

Even if it came early, I'm grateful we have the freedom to attend church and read scriptures and spend time with our families.

Christmas

2010-12-27T15:53:00.006-06:00

It is obvious, I'm sure, but I'm grateful for the birth of our Savior. I am further grateful for my husband and daughter (even if they did get me up at 2:45 a.m. to open Christmas presents.)

We were supposed to go to Mary June's house (Bill's mother). However, Cary wasn't feeling well, so we didn't. I took Elizabeth to Don's at about 10:00 a.m. and watched the kids open presents.

We were also supposed to go to Judy's yesterday, but she changed her mind at the last minute (which made me sad).

I received some very nice presents including yarn, a Bookaholic gift card, book light, gift card to JC Penneys ($50 from my inlaws), a check from my parents which will probably go for new glasses for me and Cary and a diamond necklace with a key on it. Cary wrote a note that said "Lisa holds the key to Cary's heart." Elizabeth thought that was very sweet and told everyone at her dad's about it.

I'm grateful that I have the books I do. I finished "A Christmas Beginning" from Anne Perry, and an abridged version of "A Christmas Guest" also by Anne Perry and started another story last night.

Elizabeth and I watched TV and snuggled up some together. I really enjoy spending time with her. She received a laptop computer from her dad and Rachel and was thrilled.

The fatigue is better, and I'm getting back to my normal type schedule instead of needing a lot of naps or dragging myself around. It's gotten a little busier at work, and that helps some, and at lunch today I went to the library to return a couple of books, and checked out a couple more.

Freedom to Educate Myself

2010-12-22T09:52:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for the freedom I have to educate myself. I'm glad I don't live in a country that prohibits education for women.

No one may ever read this blog, but I decided to try and do the requirements for the Young Women recognition. I completed them as a youth, but I thought it would be a good goal to set for myself.

I started by reading scriptures last night with Elizabeth in the faith value. I am hoping this experience will help my testimony grow as it has the young women in our ward. I am also hoping it will give me insights as to how to help Elizabeth be more enthused.

I want an eternal marriage for her performed under the correct authority. I want her to have a companion that shares her testimony of the gospel and will help her keep her testimony strong. Right now, I'm not sure how that can happen, but as I work on my own activity and temple worthiness, I am hoping to help her along the way as well. I do believe in miracles.

Twist and Eating Out

2010-12-21T11:23:00.002-06:00

I have to say here that I'm grateful for the local yarn shop we have in Wichita, Twist. Even though I am not in there a lot Shelly, the owner, still remembers and greats me by name.

When we were eating out at Genghis Grill even though it's been a month since we've eaten there, the server remembered which soda we liked.

You know if mortals are aware of me, then how much more so would be my perfect Heavenly Father.

LDS Temples

2010-12-16T14:30:00.002-06:00

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to attend an LDS temple upon my worthiness. I've been reading the Ensign issue dedicated to temples, and it reminds me just how sacred they are and how blessed I am that our temple is only 3 or so hours away.

I'm grateful for my husband who doesn't complain about my reading or my needlework items.

I'm grateful that I have a good relationship with my daughter. She was recently described as being like "spice" by one of her Young Women leaders, and that is a true assessment. However, spice is what makes food enjoyable, and she makes my life enjoyable.

I'm also grateful that she and Cary get along so well. I truly like our family.

Gifts

2010-12-15T11:08:00.002-06:00

Virginia brought me some fancy winter sweaters, and I am so pleased. I had been wishing the other night for Cary's party that I had a fancy sweater, but I only have one that is white, and we were eating barbecue, so I didn't want to wear that one.

Other people have been posting to Facebook what they are grateful for, but instead of doing it there, I will do it here.

I'm grateful that I finally am getting my energy back. I can't explain how concerned and almost frightened I was about how tired I was. Virginia suggest a B complex vitamin, so I've been taking that with C and a multivitamin as well. It seems to be helping. I don't feel like I have to choose at lunch between eating or sleeping nor am I as tired in the mornings when taking Elizabeth to school.

We have also gotten a little busier at work, so that helps the day go by faster as well.

Again, I can't explain it, but I'm very, very, very, very grateful to have some energy back.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like ....

2010-12-10T15:24:00.002-06:00

We got the tree up, but had difficulty with the star. First I made the mistake of putting the star up first, somehow this caused us to end up not being able to plug our lights in because everything was the wrong end.

Next we go to Walgreens to see if they have anything to fix the problem. No. Ace closed 15 minutes after we left the house and before we got there. Came home. Redid some lights and proceeded with decorating the tree.

The star was still lopsided and then it flat out broke, so it was back to Walgreens this time to get a star that didn't light up or anything (I'm getting a prettier when stuff goes on clearance). At some point, more lights got unplugged and the middle part of the tree had no lights on. I kept thinking of Bob River's 12 Pains of Christmas. We got more lights and strung them up. I'm not sure how I will get them unattached to the tree, but oh well.

Elizabeth did most of the decorating while I removed ornaments from boxes and them having been wrapped in newspaper. We discover that Cary's personalized ornament broke, so I will need to make him another one.

During all of this I was baking cookies and managed to have a pot holder slip and burn my finger and blistered it.

Then I go into the bathroom to use the toilet and my husband had switched out our toilet paper for some roll of waxed paper he got at work. He thought he would be funny. I guess I was dehydrated because I hadn't had to go the whole evening since we got home. I woke him up and asked him what the story was with the toilet paper and he starts laughing. In light of the Christmas spirit, I restrained myself from killing him.

Thus, we have a tree up.

Fatigue P.S.

2010-12-09T14:41:00.002-06:00

I noticed once I get to about 2:30 p.m. if there is someting going here the fatigue lifts a little.

I read online where stretching or quick movements will help with it, so I'll try that as well.

Fatigue

2010-12-09T12:57:00.002-06:00

I am now wondering if I will ever not feel tired again. After dropping Elizabeth off at school, that I pulled off into a distant parking place and slept for about an hour. I then went and got one of those 5 hour energy shots and some Diet Pepsi and drank that at 9:00 a.m. We just got back from lunch, and I'm still pretty tired. I feel like I can last the day, but I think Elizabeth wants to put up the tree tonight, and I dread that.

Last night I was up until about 10:15 and Elizabeth wanted me to stay up longer with her, but I just couldn't. I did get a Christmas present for her last night, but still don't feel Christmasy. Maybe I've just had a virus. I do still have a left over cough. Here's hoping I get over it soon.

In the meantime, please don't think I'm not grateful that I have a job in these times, and I'm grateful that Elizabeth still wants to tell me about her goings on at school even though she could be texting her friends and discussing these things with them. I just wish I had more energy to enjoy things more.

Sense and Sensibility

2010-12-08T13:19:00.002-06:00

After getting the BBC list of 100 books again recently by Facebook, I decided I should pay more attention to my goal of reading classics.

Originally I had a list that my high school put out back when I was there my Junior year or so that was recommended reading for college bound students, and I set a goal to read each of the books on that list unless for some reason I didn't chose to finish them.

Unfortunately, after various moves, I have lost that list. I have decided to began the classic reading by reading the BBC's list. I have read more than the 6 that the BBC says most people have. I think I have read 20 or so.

I decided to read Sense and Sensibility and finished it this passed weekend as I was attempting to recover from the flu or whatever I have. It took me about two weeks to read it, but I enjoyed it. The next book from the classics list I think I am going to read is "The Woman in White" by Wilke Collins.

I also completed "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" by Chieko Okazaki. (Spelling of her name is probably wrong here). The book has given me a whole new way to think about the Savior and the atonement. It is a prime example of the lesson appearing when the student is prepared to list. I'm really trying to work on my personal relationship with the Savior and our Heavenly Father.

Still really tired, but not quite as bad as last week.

And It Came to Pass

2010-12-02T16:42:00.002-06:00

I was very tired and discouraged yesterday. I was actually discouraged because I was so tired. I went home and all I wanted to do was take a bath and climb in bed.

I went ahead and took the bath, but I was supposed to get Elizabeth from church last night after Rachel took her. I had even considered asking Don or Rachel to drop her off after church, but I figured they are too tired, and I just prayed for strength.

About 15 minutes to 1/2 hour later, Don calls. Rachel hadn't taken Elizabeth to church because a meeting they had ran over. He said he would bring her in or she could just stay the night. I told him I would love it either way because I was so tired. He said he would just keep her then so I wouldn't have to get up so early in the morning to get her to school.

Because of that, I was able to go to bed around 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. and feel much better today. I'm still tired, but not nearly as bad as yesterday where I was basically counting the minutes until I could lay down.

2010-11-30T10:08:00.003-06:00

My dad's post on Facebook -

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends on Facebook. Hugh B.Brown was remarked "The greatest cause of unhappiness is ingratitude." Let us all be grateful this Thanksgiving and remember our young men and women in uniform who are far from us. May God watch over them, keep them safe, and bring them home soon!

Thanksgiving was nice. Elizabeth helped cooked at Don and Rachel's the two days prior, so she wanted Cary and I to go there. Cary woke up with stomach problems, but Elizabeth and I went and then came back home to spend time with Cary.

I haven't had a real problem with anxiety or depression even when we were at Don and Rachel's and there were quite a few people there. However, I think I may have the upper respiratory crud, so I am really tired and not real motivated. Not depressed -just plain tired even after staying home Saturday and Sunday.

I am grateful for the gospel. I am also grateful for the book I am reading, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". It has come at the perfect time of my life.

Improvement

2010-11-22T17:34:00.002-06:00

I should not have worried. My boss didn't mind my asking my questions. I am still kind of tired all day, but it's also Monday. So I got the subpoena done, and found out if I just do exhibit books, so that answered my questions then to.

Two Steps Forward and One Back

2010-11-22T10:45:00.002-06:00

I got one of Elizabeth's Christmas presents finished over the weekend, but it was a struggle to get to church Sunday and to get to work today.

However, I went to Sacrament meeting, but stayed in the foyer. Because I was in the foyer, I was able to direct someone who just walked in to the chapel. Elizabeth and I had a nice afternoon just snuggling up and watching TV.

Work today is a struggle. I'm trying to do a subpoena, and I'm not sure how to do it since we have the records already. I am feeling anxious about it, because I know it's important, but I just can't wrap my head around it. I hope to be able to report that things are better this afternoon.

Small Things

2010-11-18T11:35:00.002-06:00

I had a nail in my tire, and Heavenly Father blessed me to have someone notice my tire being low and it was snowing and slushing, so Cary took it in for me, and I wasn't left stranded.

Today I was having computer problems with a media player and after a couple of attempts, I prayed, and it worked.

Lastly, but not lease, Don thought his violin had been stolen out of his car. I said a prayer myself in the car and then I was the voice for our family prayers and prayed again. Don has had the violin since he was 17. Found out yesterday morning that the guy who was supposed to drop it off hadn't because he didn't want to leave it in Don's unlocked car.

I had to go see the judge that makes me really nervous today for a divorce, and it worked out fine, and I am just about caught up at work.

That's another thing. Heavenly Father has blessed the office to have collected about 2100 in the last three days.

Progress

2010-11-15T13:55:00.002-06:00

I had a little anxiety on Saturday, but managed it okay. It had to do with being at Don and Rachel's with all the kids plus Michael , Ari's boyfriend and Dailey, a friend.

Ari and Elizabeth begged me to be the parent that would see a horror flick with them, so I did since it was Ari's 14th birthday. I was invited to have cake and ice cream later, but I chose not to since there was going to be even more people there.

Sunday I had a touch of the flu with some stomach issues and achy feelings, so I slept a lot and didn't go to church. I read as well including my "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". The more I read, the more I realize how second handed I've allowed my relationship with Jesus to be. I think a lot of that has to do with the depression and anxiety that I have been fighting.

Today I realized I forgot my wallet at home, so I went home to get it so I would have it to hold Mr. Cather's place in bankruptcy court. By the time I had gotten home, Mr. Cather had called and was on his way to bankruptcy court, so I went back to the office. I also couldn't remember if I made a deposit on Friday or not, so I had to ask Yvonne to look it up, which she did. With each of these events, I had a little bit of anxiety, but nothing that caused me not to function. I really think we have finally gotten the medicine that will help my chemical imbalance in my brain.

Power of Priesthood Blessings

2010-11-11T14:31:00.003-06:00

I finally broke down last night and asked my home teacher for a blessing of comfort. He asked Bishop Fawson to assist.

I was blessed with the ministering of angels. The blessing said Heavenley Father loves me and the Savior gave his life for me. I am watched over by members of the ward. I am to study the scriptures, and I will find answers and I am to be obedient. I am also to look to the Holy Ghost and lean on my husband.

I had not told Br. Epperson nor Bishop just how bad I had been feeling and hadn't told anyone that I needed to feel God's love for me individually or to feel that love first hand. I have been praying to feel the Savior's love for me individually. I have no problem with feeling like the Savior died for other people and that they are worth it, but I have had serious doubts about my own self worth.

Today I have had hardly any anxiety. I have also done some push ups and jumping jacks when I started to stress. Sadly I am very out of shape, but the physical exercise seems to be a good way for the anxiety to find another channel instead of circuling my mind and emotions.

Step of Faith

2010-11-10T18:34:00.003-06:00

So tonight I'm going to Church and taking a step of faith to tithe. My husband just told me he doesn't like his job anymore since his coworker is out and may be out permanently. I survived the converstaion fairly well. I am concerned about switching insurance companies, but I guess I will have to cross that bridge if and when I come to it. As soon as I can, I'll start to save back some of my medicine. He promised he wouldn't quit until he found one that pays better and yet has insurance.

I would say I'm taking a leap of faith, but all I can manage right now is a step. At least it's in the right direction.

Self Centeredness

2010-11-10T16:21:00.003-06:00

It occurs to me that I am being very self centered, but I really don't mean to be. I'm just trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it and help others.

I have conquered the bankruptcy case pulling documents. There was something I couldn't find and after feeling the anxiety rise, I prayed and was led to where in the file box it is located.

Also, I was worried about money and child support came through early. I just have a few more things to do, and I will be done for today and I have until 5:30 p.m.

Progress Slowly But Surely

2010-11-10T09:58:00.003-06:00

I made a deposit into our work account, and the amount was low. Up until then I was doing pretty well managing my anxiety. Last night I worried about getting bankruptcy documents to the trustee and afraid I had missed a deadline. I haven't and can compile what I have and provide the rest as it becomes available from the client.

After worrying for an hour (not anxiety attack but close) I called my boss. He said that he has enough to pay me separately.

When I used to get regular anxiety attacks they would start in the morning (They used to wake me up and were often panic attacks) and end about noon. Then they ended at 10, and I would be able to sleep a little longer before they hit. Anyway, so on the rest of my day which will be busy. I still have some anxiety, but not a lot.

Update and Prayers Answered

2010-11-09T15:31:00.003-06:00

I wrote my earlier post this morning. My new prayer has been that people that need an attorney call and come see us. We seem to be getting more calls this afternoon and will be picking up a new bankruptcy possibly as well as a personal injury case.

I also am just plain feeling better this afternoon. The afternoons seem to go better than the mornings, but so is the fact that more people are calling and setting up appointments. That also gives me more work to do and makes the time go by quicker, and I don't have time to sit and stress.

I always intended this blog to be entertaining, but now I would rather it be helpful. I think it's helpful for someone with anxiety to let others know when they have had something successful work. Several people blogged about their anxiety and the deep breathing they needed to do to help work through it. I also found someone who counts backwards by 3's and prays.

There was also a psychologist who said she read that one of the best things you can do is just acknowledge the anxiety or panic and let it pass. If you fight it, which I have been trying to do, it just increases in energy. Instead you just acknowledge, this is anxiety there is nothing wrong and it will pass. Reminds me of what my mom says about the Book of Mormon. It states often "And it came to pass" and that bad things do pass.

Anxiety and Worry Again and Symbryx

2010-11-09T10:47:00.004-06:00

So I had been out of my medication for about two weeks and then the trial hit on a big divorce case as I mentioned earlier. Well that trial triggered anxiety attacks that didn't go away when the hearing was over.

Saturday I was still having anxiety and refilled my medication. Sunday was a little better, and I did go to sacrament meeting, but what I really needed was some peace or relief from the anxiety. Sunday night, I did a little better.

Yesterday, it was back to work, and I had almost crippling anxiety. I looked up my medication on the internet to see how long it takes to begin to work. Most people feel about three days. It also stays in your system for about 2 or 3 days after you quit taking it, but you aren't supposed to just stop taking it like I did, or it can bring on anxiety issues. The anxiety abated at about 11:00 a.m., but then at 12:15, I had a car accident. I wasn't hurt and neither was the other driver, but the accident was my fault. I burst out crying in front of Elizabeth. She just got out and looked at the car and said it was just a paint job. I really worried about Cary's reaction, but he told me it's just a car, and he was glad I wasn't hurt. Last night he said, but don't keep having accidents, not because of the car, but because I don't want you to get hurt.

I think the reason I didn't have any anxiety issues from not taking it was because I was in Reno, not being at work, and Dad and Mom paid for our meals or made food, so I wasn't as worried about money.

Anyway the other thing I have been worried about it how Mr. Cather is going to make payroll in May when he's gone for a month. He's not sure either, but he said who knows, maybe we'll get another probate or something. Then yesterday afternoon he received a personal injury case. My prayer is that if anyone needs to see an attorney, that they call us. I also am hoping that our divorce client gets a lot of money soon because that will help as well.

So, today I still have some anxiety and depression, but not like it was Saturday. I don't feel panicky and feel more trusting of Heavenly Father. That is my other prayer is that I feel His love for me individually and gain what Sister Okasaki (Spelling) calls a first hand knowledge.

Trials and Tribulations

2010-11-05T16:31:00.002-05:00

We had what we thought was going to be a trial this week. I spend the night before analyzing bank records and worrying about what I had and hadn't gotten done since there were some records I hadn't been able to get. I could hardly sleep and was sick to my stomach the morning of the hearing wondering why I had chosen this occupation for myself.

The judge continued the hearing until December 15, but the records I analyzed showed some good evidence for our client. The client was pleased and brought me an orchid plant. My boss who had been unhappy with me the day before (but I was more unhappy with myself) was very pleased.

I am out of my medication that had been working and am waiting to get paid again to refill it. It's my anti anxiety/anti depressant medication. Anyway I spend time the night before reading out of a book by Chieko Okasaka (spelling?) It's called "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". It's based on an old hymn that was sung in other churchs (not LDS), but we use the tune for "Isreal, Isreal God is Calling". Anyway, I have found much comfort in this book.

My Grandma Maureen Adams passed away in Reno two weeks ago this past Sunday. Elizabeth and I went to Reno the 27th and stayed until the 1st of November. The arrangements were already made and then Grandma was crossing the street on her way to stake conference, wasn't using the crosswalk and it was nighttime, and was hit by a SUV and died about an hour later.

It was very odd to go to her house and her not be there after all these years. The first time I was at her house was when I went to live with Dad and Jill when I was 8 so 30 plus years ago. I also lived with her from the time I was about 16 until I graduated from high school.

She collected buttons, and I have asked for some. I want to cross stitch a tree pattern I found that uses buttons as ornaments on it. Elizabeth and I were each allowed to pick out a crystal figurine from her collection, and Jill will be sending me some books and her crocheting basket.

We had a nice visit otherwise. Dad and I went to see John Lithgow in a one man show at Grand Sierra that used to be the MGM. It was titled "Stories from the Heart" and he told two stories from "Teller of Tales". I will share more later about that.

My daughter also went fly fishing with her grandfather and caught him in the seat of the pants, and he has been telling everyone.

I watched Mom work out in a boot camp, and I have to tell you, there is no way I could do that every week plus she works out twice a week.

I went on a drive with dad and for the first time didn't worry about what he might say. He likes Cary (although we all wish he would quit smoking and join the church). I did have to admit I don't have a temple recommend at this time. But I intend to work on that. Dad wants us to be sealed. However Dad and Mom both think I've done a good job with Elizabeth, so that makes up for a lot.

My mom still has a ton of books she is wanting to read. Dave's room had been turned into a library when he moved, but he moved back in so there are books everywhere. I'm sure she has more books then many libraries. However, I could spend a lot of time reading the books she has.

Anyway, I'm now reading "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and "Rhett Butler's People". When I'm not driving Elizabeth and her friends around this weekend, now that I've got stuff more under control at work from my vacation, I intend to relax and read.

Following Inspiration

2010-09-12T18:19:00.002-05:00

My neighbors' son needed a will and power of attorney apparently. I didn't realize this but pondered what I could do as he was obviously dying of cancer. Baking bread or taking chicken didn't seem like enough, so finally I just got up the courage, went over and asked. This was Thursday when I had stayed home sick from work and Elizabeth was home sick from school. I went Thursday night and took over the paperwork. He died this morning with peace of mind.

I am grateful that for once I listened to the Spirit and did what I was told to do.

Medication and Other Changes

2010-08-24T22:36:00.003-05:00

I will be meeting one of my older half brothers for the first time tomorrow night. I'm very, very nervous. I think I'm more nervous than he is, but then again, I've known about him as long as I can remember. He's only known about me for about 10 years or so.

I do have asthma, but I also have an anxiety disorder and probably have had for a long time. They may have found medication that will manage the depression and the anxiety. Granted I ended up gaining 8 pounds of water weight, so yeah, I'll have to be much more careful about salt intake (sigh).

Still knitting and finished two pairs of socks recently and a hat for socks for soldiers. I also have decided to participate in a craft booth at a fundraising/fall festival for an old coworkers church. I'm excited about it, and trying to figure out what I can make to sell with the stuff I have. Turns out I have quite a bit which comes as a surprise to nobody. Then it's on to working more on Christmas presents. A woman's work is never done :)

I really enjoyed reading this month's Piecework. It had articles about literature and the relationship to needlework, so I had to buy it. Would you agree?

Russell

2010-07-22T23:52:00.001-05:00

I am grateful that Russell Martin is alive after his second bypass surgery and replacement of his mitrocardio valve.

Same Stuff - Different Day

2010-06-25T10:47:00.002-05:00

So yes, I did the stress thing. However, I had also quit taking my antidepressant for about three months. That was a bad decision. I started worrying about stuff that hadn't even happened yet.

1. My ex may move. It will be a great opportunity for he and his family. However, then I worried that my daughter would want to live with him permanently. I mean I want whats best for her, but.... However, nobody has any intensions of her living with him including her or him.

2. Work - Boss on vacation. Stuff was happening. He wanted to be gone longer. I worry about how long my job will last and will it become parttime and will someone else my office manager likes better take my place. However, been the same worry for several years now.

3. Finances - Stressed about how broke I felt. Had a long talk with husband and redid a couple of things and rebudgeted, and it's not as bad as I thought.

This is the key phrase here, "It's not as bad as I thought.".

My aunt then my husband also say I'm too serious and don't laugh. I laughed with my brother being here during a epic Monopoly game, but it had been a long time that I really laughed like that. I also have been having a ton of problems sleeping. So, I gave in and called the doctor's office and back on the Zoloft (a generic version) and life is better.

The office manager's friend has a sewing business she wants to get going. Doesn't want anything 8 - 5 and is going back to school. Finances look better and the fear of lossing my daughter has abated some.

Mostly, I lost the ability to enjoy life's blessings. It's not a lack of gratitude, just an internal problem.

Promises

2010-05-20T16:18:00.002-05:00

I promised myself I would do this, so

I stressed really really bad Tuesday night about my job and Cary's. Cary was stressed about his as well.

We are both still employed. Heavenly Father truly helped us both in communication with our bosses.

Preparation Brings Blessings

2010-04-14T11:44:00.003-05:00

Still reading Queen Isabella. However, it has very much struck me about the information in this biography and others I have read by Ms. Weir as well.

My religion quotes a scripture often - "Wickedness never was happiness". In the biography of Queen Isabella (wife of Edward II), I am very struck how the wickedness and/or poor decisions made by these monarchs not only affected their lives but their nation and Medieval Europe.

I have been invited to participate in an online book club for General Conference talks of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The conference was held in April, 2010.

The first talk was from the prophet, Thomas Monson. It was given to the priesthoood and was titled "Preparation Brings Blessings". President Monson talks about how preparing yourself to feel the spirit will help you make wise choices and avoid poor choices.

I think one of the most powerful parts of the talk the counsel that instead of wondering what others will think, ask yourself, "What will I think of myself?"

The Princes in the Tower

2010-03-15T09:58:00.002-05:00

I finished The Princes in the Tower by Alison Weir yesterday. Based solely on her book alone, I believe Richard III was guilty of the imprisonment and murder of his nephews. My dad says I am a victim of Shakespeare's and the Tudor's propaganda. This would be a much better argument for my dad to make except I haven't even read Shakespeare's play.

I am now reading Queen Isabella by Alison Weir. I'm only 30 pages into it, but to imagine a young woman my daughter's age as a Queen in medieval England is pretty mind blowing to say the least.

This is the part where I should mention that our miscarriage was a year ago. It seems the time has gone by very quickly. I should write how I feel, but I'm not sure. The main thing I feel like is a failure for letting my husband and his family down. My family took it pretty well and since I already have my daughter, they have a grandchild. The rest of my feelings are more mixed. I'm not sure I ever want to be pregnant again. There is a one in three chance I will miscarry again, and I'm not sure I want to risk it again emotionally or physically. There is also the problems I have been having with my asthma. It doesn't seem to be well controlled, and I'm so exhausted from not breathing well that I can't imagine taking on anything else.

I have been doing a little bit of knitting on a pair of leisure socks for soldiers. I get a couple of rows done at a time, then read a couple of pages, and then I'm half asleep.

If anyone reads this and if you have had a miscarriage, my heart goes out to you today.

March Already - Alison Weir

2010-03-01T18:05:00.003-06:00

So, it is March already and I haven't blogged (and I don't think anyone noticed).

So here is the latest on the reading situation. I have an addiction. I love Alison Weir's history books. I started with "Mary Queen of Scots and the Murder of Lord Darnley".

Then was "Six Wives of Henry VIII"
Then was "Children of Henry VIII"
Then was "The Lady in the Tower" (I think this is the title. It's about Anne Boleyn.
Then was "An Innocent Traitor". Now here is this problem with this. I found it was a little more adult than I would like in some places. Granted I'm somewhat prudish, but there are some details I didn't need. The story about Jane Grey was very interesting though. She wrote this as a novel, but very well researched.
Now it is "The Princes in the Tower".

Here is the problem. The library decided instead of three months only allowing two months for finishing the annual six book thing. Well, I started Six Wives on January 1 and finished An Innocent Traitor on February 27. This isn't six. This is four, and this is the first year I haven't completed the requirements for finishing since they started the program.

So yep, I have issues.

In other news, my brother is in the guard and is going away to a foreign country. I have renewed my commitment to Socks for Soldiers and done a pair of leisure socks and started another pair of leisure socks.

I am still working, but have had a few days unpaid. This didn't help the bank account, but we have so far survived this recession and both my husband and I have been working.

And my daughter turned, gasp, 13. I am officially the parent of a teenager (and extra parent to a few more that appear and disappear at my home on a regular basis.

There, now aren't you glad you asked?

Laid Off? Update and More Worry Without Cause

2009-05-01T15:32:00.003-05:00

I was worried about being laid off. It looks like that won't be happening for a while. We have had some clients that have made payments on old amounts that they owe and an estate close and were paid for a new probate case.

Anyway, that is the update.

Back to reading, I finished rereading Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites and Gadiaton and the Silver Sword. I will be starting Tennis Shoes Among the Feathered Serpent (or whatever #3 is called) this weekend. I am also reading "Shakespearean Whodunits" edited by Mike Ashley and started "Rhett Butler's People" that Don and Rachel bought a copy of for me when they went on a trip and I babysat their dogs and had to break into their house.

I am also in 3 Nephi. Our Stake President wanted us to read the Book of Mormon by our Stake Conference last month, but I didn't quite get it done even though I had started it before Stake Conference. I'm trying to do better.

Like everyone else, we are experiencing worries here about the "Swine Flu" or whatever they are now calling it. There have been two cases in Kansas, but not in Wichita. Our paper is suggesting people stock up on food items, etc., but not to panic. They are suggesting stocking up because if the flu is spreading, people might not want to be going to stores and such.

My boss offered to let me leave early if we didn't have clients, but we did. He thought I might want to hits the stores, but I told him I have already got a small food storage due to the teaching of the church. It's not a lot, mind you. He bought two gallons of milk, a loaf of bread and four or five flats of canned goods.
We are limited in refrigerator storage, but I know we have some canned goods and such. Even in Mexico where the outbreak started they think, the stores aren't closed, but some businesses are closed and the subway, I think is shutdown.

Rachel asked what I thought about keeping the kids home from school, but I told her I don't think it is necessary at this time. I guess that would be a point in support of home school, but I don't think she is in danger, and I know she doesn't want to be at her dad's all day, every day.

I am still knitting socks for soldiers. I did a baby sweater and several hats and baby booties when I was still pregnant. I also have a pair of socks for myself out of a purple yarn that I'm making.

Laid Off ?

2009-04-24T11:12:00.003-05:00

Okay, we have four days next week without clients having appointments. This is potentially a problem. I have been working on probate and such, but things are tight around here, and I was extremely worried that my boss would have me again not come in to work a day without pay.

He recognized, and I told him, that I have worked a lot on probate the last few days. Probate doesn't get paid until the end of the estate, but we have one that if he or my office manager will review the billing is ready to get closed. I gave the billing to my office manager a couple of weeks ago, but she hasn't had time.

I have been in much prayer over this problem. I have been working really hard to get caught up and needed a couple of days without constant new work to accomplish this. I am just about there, but we aren't getting a lot of new calls.

Anyway, if I can just get the estate closed by next Friday, we should be okay.

Stress Management - What NOT to Do

2009-04-22T14:14:00.003-05:00

Okay, if anyone is still reading this, I'm a huge worry wort. I woke up on 4/21 at 2:00 a.m. or so after not falling sleep until midnight and couldn't go back to sleep worrying about deadlines I MAY have missed on stuff at work. After tossing and turning, I finally got up and drove to work at about 3:00 a.m. to get these things checked on.

1. I didn't miss any deadlines.

2. There wasn't nearly as much undone that I thought was going to be.

Lastly, after worrying about getting a forced day off again, I have worked a full week without that happening. I have been tithing for the last six weeks, and I think I am getting blessed for trying to be more faithful. Now, I need to work on trusting Heavenly Father more will all aspects of my life, work included.

The miscarriage is for the most part over. I have started my first cycle post miscarriage. It has been very painful, but getting better. Ironically enough it began on 4/17 a month after the bleeding began on 3/17.

Miscarriage, etc

2009-04-13T15:13:00.003-05:00

We found out we were pregnant on 2/5/09. We then miscarried on 3/17. I then had to be reexamined on 3/26. My HCG was 42. On 4/2/09 it was 24. On 4/10/09 it was 12. I have to go in again in a couple of weeks and have more blood drawn.

I have had a whole range of emotions, but I will have to add more later from an email I sent someone else. It was a natural miscarriage.

We are going to try again after I have two normal cycles per what the doctor suggested. However, I won't have the first one until 2-6 weeks after the level is a 0.

We are going to try only one more time. If I miscarry once more, we have decided not to try again.

I went back in on 4/27/2009 - My level is a 7, so now I have to go back in about three weeks and do it again. The worse part is that they thought I had a period, but they aren't sure and will need to keep checking my levels to make sure. Just when I think the whole experience has ended, yet another reminder. Another visit to see happy women with their husbands, and when I think we are on the road to trying again, nope!!!

January Blues

2009-01-22T09:03:00.003-06:00

I also get the blues in January, and this year is going about the same except for a minor thing making it at little, um, more difficult.

I turn 40 this year. I'm not looking forward to his. Not because I'm half over the hill, but 30 wasn't my best year at all, and I'm hoping 40 isn't going to be anything like 30 was.

That being said, the Lexapro withdrawals are much less intense, but the PMS, more intense. I've grounded myself to my room twice in the past week. If I were a cartoon, I would have a thunder cloud over my head. Oh well.

I'm reading, "The Proving Trail" by Louis Lamour because my husband strongly suggested it for the library program this year. Strongly means nightly interrogations on where I am in the book. He read it in one day, he says. I explain he did it over a weekend, had read the book before, reads a lot of westerns, and didn't keep getting interrupted.

We also had a debate about there being more than one Georgetown in the U.S. If you, like my husband, don't believe me, there is. Check out wikipedia. (I printed them out for my stubborn husband). You see the main character goes to Georgetown to find out about his now murdered father. That Georgetown is in Colorado. Now the problem is that I was thinking Georgetown back east because in the beginnings of the book, he says something about his father being from back east. This confused the heck out of my geographically challenged brain because I could figure out why he was going the directions he was going. Anyway, dear readers, there are multiple Georgetowns. The Georgetown in this book is very small, but has a Louis Dupuy museum. My husband's cousin/uncle, my boss, took pictures of him at various parts of the museum, which I have now seen.

New Year - New Me (I Hope)

2009-01-08T12:39:00.004-06:00

This is going to be the year for the following:

1. I'm going to try and deal more proactively with my mental health.
2. I'm going to knit an average of an inch a day for Socks for Soldiers.
3. I'm going to get my home prepared in case of emergency.
4. I'm going to do my best to get out of debt except for my home loan.

I'm now reading a book I checked out for my husband called, The Bandit Kings. It's about Jesse James through John Dillinger. He said it was easy reading, and it does seem to be. I'm also participating in the Wichita Public Library's reading program. I've done it and completed it every year since it started. This year is six books in different catagories, but it's pretty easy to fit any book into the categories.

So far, after last year, this year is looking up. I'm grateful to Heavenly Father and the Savior for blessing me.

Updating the Blog

2008-12-12T13:53:00.002-06:00

For those two of you who may read my blog, you may be wondering where I've been.

Still at work, although things have really slowed down with the economic problems. (Sigh!). I'm dealing with middle school angst with my daughter (and being soooooo glad I'm not that age again). She's got great grades and loves to read and excell at school, but of course, she's growing older.

My husband just got hired on at the place he was working as a temporary employee.

I'm still reading. I'm in a Sherlock Holmes phase and a Harry Potter fan fiction and/or related essays phase. The good news about fan fiction is that I've found some great ones on www.mugglenet.com. Why is this good news, you ask? Well, because I have a ton of knitting I need to do for SFS and Christmas presents, so I can knit and read at the same time. If I try to listen to books on tape, they put me to sleep. It's not the books, it's the sound of someone reading out loud. Created lots of problems in high school.

Okay, that is the brief update in blog land.

Middle School

2008-08-12T20:51:00.004-05:00

Well, it is time for middle school at our house.

I have been knitting and reading. I finished "The True Crime Files of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle". I have two pairs of socks going into the mail tomorrow to SFS, but I will need to get pictures of those up later.

I can't believe it's time for school already.

We just got back from seeing my brother it seems.

Update

2008-06-28T21:52:00.004-05:00

These are out of Noro Sock Yarn. It was a little stiff to knit with, but I couldn't pass up the colors. It was raining a lot here, so I felt like I was knitting a rainbow.

We really enjoyed my brother's graduation.

Knit Picks Owner Posts My Earrings

2008-06-16T18:59:00.003-05:00

http://kelleypetkun.typepad.com/

This is her blog, Kelley Petkun.

Here is the picture that she posted with my earrings. I am published (so to speak) and she sent me a thank you email as well.

After a very long day, it was great to see this. I was wondering if anything I did today would matter due to some work challenges.

Iowa Flood

2008-06-16T18:55:00.003-05:00

My inlaws house is on the other side (right hand) of these trees. They have had power most of the time, but no phone or mail service. Luckily they had a cell phone.

Things I Shouldn't Have Worried About

2008-06-11T11:13:00.002-05:00

Okay, so here's the deal.

I have worried about a work situtation repeatedly, and not just my huge work load. Guess what - Big surprise, I shouldn't have worried about it because the opposite is happening.

I worried about some things about my daughter not wanting to be home? Guess what. I shouldn't have worried.

Worried that my dad was mad at me for being late to my brother's graduation at Fort Leonard Wood (I was lost on the base for over 30 minutes). Guess what. I shouldn't have worried.

So work isn't going the way I thought it was going to, my daughter hasn't completely outgrown me yet, and my dad was just moved by my brother's graduation.

My new goal is a renewed commitment to turn over my worries to Heavenly Father, rely on the Savior and try to only worry about things I can change.

Memory

2008-05-20T15:36:00.002-05:00

A story on NPR talked about a lady who has an extraordinary memory. I thought about this yesterday, and that would be both good and bad. I tend to feel guilty for anyone's feelings I have perceived I hurt and mean things I may have said as clear back as childhood.

The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control!
—Fanny Price, in Jane Austen's Mansfield Park

Worrying for Nothing, Again

2008-05-19T17:51:00.001-05:00

My brother passed his PT test and is graduating from Army boot camp.

My boss came back today. What I thought he would be upset for, he wasn't upset about.

Gratitude

2008-05-17T23:39:00.003-05:00

I have something interesting to write. Today I felt prompted by the Spirit to check my email. I did, but didn't find anything.

I got a feeling to check it again, and there was going to be an email from Kim, from Socks for Soldiers. So, I checked again, and saw a SFS email that Kim got my two pairs of socks that I sent. I thought okay, that's nice.

I got prompted to keep looking through my emails, and there was another one from Kim directly. Kelley Putkin (spelling?) the owner, along with her husband, of Knit Picks wants my, yes my, email.

Here's the deal. On May 12, or so, Kim sent Kelley a sock kit and patriotic stitch markers that I had made along with a couple of other people. In the same post, Kim discussed the need to check for gauge, which I hate doing, like most knitters, but that was the part I remembered about post.

Tonight's email from Kim, had a forward from Kelley asking for my email along with the other two people, only she referred to us as "artists". That isn't a term anyone has ever used for anything I've made. She wanted to also mention us on her blog.

Now the reason I tell this on my blog, that I'm not sure even gets read, is because I was having a very trying day dealing with some depression from some events going on currently in my life. I was actually praying about this problem and have been for the last couple of days. Mostly I have struggled with self worth issues. So what happens???? On a day I really, really, really needed to feel worthwhile, the owner of Knit Picks calls me an artist and wants my email and wants to mention me on her blog.

More Flowers from my Yard

2008-05-17T17:19:00.002-05:00

Tiptoe through the Tulips

2008-05-09T20:48:00.002-05:00

These are actually from my front yard. I planted them, and they lived. They actually lived.

Photos of Leisure Socks

2008-05-09T20:44:00.002-05:00

Socks for Soldiers Two Year Anniversary

2008-05-06T16:17:00.001-05:00

It's been two years for Socks for Soldiers. I've been doing a pair each month since February, 2008, but I need to post pictures later.

Delayed Post

2008-02-18T14:04:00.002-06:00

I can't believe I haven't posted in this long. We didn't win our big case that has been going on since 2002. We've been in it since 1/1/2003. I was very let down. I've had the bronchial crude twice now. This time is the second.

I am knitting, but not a lot. I have been reading for the annual library thing. I've completed a Nancy Drew book with two mysteries in it, the Mammoth Book of Murder, and Smoke, Mirrors and Murder, by Ann Rule. I'm reading The Assignation of Jesse James and Chicken Soup for the Dog's Soul right now.

I am still working, and I have a coworker that seems to actually like me. It's been a while that one actually seemed to like me and didn't get ticked at me right off the bat. I am not good at training people. I do my best, but my time has been somewhat limited with the increase in work I have had.

My brother has entered the military and is in boot camp. I'm proud of him, but it brought back memories of when my ex was in the military.

So my job is changing since we don't have the big case quite as constantly now, and my ex is thinking about a different job in a different city. I'm afraid here comes yet another custody discussion, but I've weathered it before and will do so. It's the discussion where he and his wife try to convince me that it is in my daughter's best interest to have us move where he is. I don't know if he will. I guess I will have to see what happens. I'm prepared for what I need to be.

Post Christmas

2007-12-29T19:22:00.000-06:00

I wanted to post pictures of what I got finished for Christmas presents!

(The multi colored hat without the socks was out of yarn my daugter and husband bought me for Christmas). My husband said I had to make myself a hat to help keep me from getting too cold and getting sick.

Everything was knit in worsted weight for quick completion. My brother is trilled with his black socks, my stepmother with her hat and my dad liked his scarf (not pictured).

I made the beaded bracelets for my daughter and the white socks because she said she just knew I had socks under the tree for her that I had made (which I hadn't).

The jeans I did some patching and the chain stitching around the bottom of both legs. She loves them.

Counting my Blessings

2007-12-24T20:27:00.000-06:00

"When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings".. (from Irving Berlin's White Christmas movie).

I'm grateful for the birth of Jesus Christ. A lot of people think Mormons don't believe in Jesus Christ, but I wanted to make sure anyone reading this knows we do, and I do.

I'm grateful for peace in my family and that Heavenly Father has been very aware of me this season.

I finished my husband's hat, my daughter's socks, and tomorrow I'm back to knitting for SFS. Life is good!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a blessed night! Thank you to all the Soldiers who have sacrificed for us.

Christmas, Christmas Time is Here!

2007-12-12T09:50:00.000-06:00

We had a day off from work yesterday due to a predicted ice storm. We didn't lose power and dodged the bullet on the really bad ice. I spent the day knitting and working on Christmas presents for people.

Today I'm trying to get the 3rd Annual Heiserman Christmas letter out. My SIL did a great one and put them in handmade, stamped cards. Me? Well let's just say that I'll be doing good to get them out.

I finished seaming the reds afghan for Greensburg last night, so it's not like I'm not doing anything.

This is my daughter's favorite sports picture so far. We have done volleyball, softball, soccer and basketball so far this year, and she's set to do another season of basketball. She made a basket in the game Saturday. Her team lost, but she played well. Bloodied her knee. She's her mother's daughter.

Fortissima Socks

2007-11-25T13:56:00.001-06:00

These are the socks going out tomorrow for SFS. Tonight I hope to finish seaming the reds afghan for Greensburg and then more Christmas knitting.

What I've Been Doing

2007-11-21T09:11:00.000-06:00

Knitting for SFS and working a lot. I have completed another pair of socks that I will post pictures of after they are washed and then off they go to Kim at SFS.

I've made some stitch markers for some members of SFS.

I've been working on Christmas socks for my brother. Luckily he wanted worsted weight.

I've been trying to finish seaming another afghan for Greensburg.

Oh, yeah, and driving my husband and daughter nuts probably.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am grateful that I get to spend this year with both my daughter and husband all day just us as a family. I am grateful that they both put up with me. I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and for a Savior who loves me when I don't always love myself. There's a lot more I'm grateful for, but I better get back to work.

Update

2007-10-14T21:44:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize how long it has been since I blogged. I have done some knitting. I finished a pair of socks for SFS Kim's son, James. They had been on the needles for a long time.

I have done some reading. I am reading, "Laced", by Carol Higgins Clark. It makes me want to look more into lacemaking. The only lace I have even come close to making is some crocheted pieces for my first wedding reception and some lace patterns into socks.

I'm working on two pairs of socks for SFS. One is a pair called Lombard Street, and another is just plain. I'll upload pictures when I am done.

As for work, well... I wonder if I will ever get remotely caught up. My inbasket is growing faster than I can keep up, and I can't seem to do anything to make lasting progress. I've tried working extra hours off the clock for up to 3 hours or more a week, and it's still not working. To make matters worse, I have gotten the regular bout of bronchitis/pnemonia. I had to take a day off from work, and I'm still not recovered entirely. I am sleeping a lot.

I'm reading the scriptures more. Some from the Book of Mormon and some from the New Testament. However, my concentration on reading in any form has been lacking a lot. I've been having to reread passages or paragraphs multiple times.

My Dudette finished "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince" and started "Deathly Hallows". She can't hardly put the books down to eat. She was out of school Friday and will be out Monday for teacher something or other. She did tons of reading this weekend.

We also went to Twist here in Wichita, and I worked on seaming afghans for Greensboro while Dudette played Nintendo DS. Later we went to the Y for a party. Even though Dudette and I had fun, she said she had more fun at Twist. She said she felt part of the group. She really enjoyed being with women chatting I guess. It wasn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be since there was only five or six women there total. She wants to go again when I have her in two weekends again. I'm going to try to get to Twist again this week - maybe Thursday night and try to seam the afghan. We'll see how work goes. (Insert big sigh!).

Socks I Completed

2007-09-25T10:33:00.002-05:00

I got this compliment from Kim, Sarge, Socks for Soldiers.

Lisa H KS I received your parcel of wonderful patriotic stitch markers saying USA for our sock kits and contests..AND, James was so unbelievable thrilled with the socks you knitted for him. I made him open them, and he said why are you taking a picture of me opening soldier leisure socks..I said because Lisa knitted those for you. He smiled so big I thought his face would crack, as he tried them on. He gives you the THUMBS UP!! The real test is how long he wears them before I get to launder them...lol Maybe next Tuesday??? Thank you for blessing me and my kids.I do not want my children to ever think of being active volunteers for SFS = a pay off of goodies for them. But they are learning that sometimes the things they do from a pure heart {or nagging Mom Sarge} does bring a reward now and again. Not expected, but appreciated.

Finished Deathly Hallows

2007-08-23T15:36:00.000-05:00

I finished earlier this week, but no spoilers here. I feel empty, though, because it's the end of a publishing era. My daughter is on #4, and we've enjoyed watching the movies together and discussing them and the books. Though I have read and discussed other books with her, these were by far our favorites to read together.

However, I may reread them again. In fact, I know I will. It will be like visiting old friends.

I am still knitting, but not as much and still struggling to fill the book void. It's not like I haven't read other books, but, well, I can't explain it.

So goodbye, Harry Potter series. You will be missed.

Dementor

2007-08-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

I have finally figured out how to explain depression episodes. Granted, my husband doesn't read Harry Potter, but as I was rereading the first half of book 7 since I didn't seem to retain much, I thought of this as a description.

I got this definition off of www.mugglenet.com

Dementors feed on positive human emotions - happiness, hope, excitement. Their mere presence sucks every happy feeling or memory from any human present, leaving only cold dark despair in its place. The worst experiences of the victim's life will flood through them as everything positive is stripped away. This effect caused the vast majority of Azkaban inmates to go insane in a very short length of time. Any wizard exposed to a Dementor for long enough is also likely to lose their powers [POA10].

So that is how I feel when the depression hits. Like I've been surrounded by dementors lately. People in the books describe how a dementor's kiss makes you feel like all the happiness was gone in the world. I watched Harry Potter 5 again with my daughter this weekend, so that is a good description.

I am continuing to read HP7. I didn't finish the first half. Instead I went back and reread book 6 because I felt like I hadn't retained enough from that.

As far as knitting goes, I've been finishing a pair of socks for Kim's son. Kim is the owner/founder of Socks for Soldiers. I also have started a second pair of feet for the legs another member sent me. I shipped three beanies off to Kim last week that I had been working on for the last couple of months. I didn't get pictures, though. Oh well.

Harry Potter and Knitting

2007-07-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

I went to the Harry Potter release party again. I say again because my daughter had me take her to the last release party as well. If it had been up to me, I would have just gotten the book the next day, but it was important to her....

I end up in a line that was wrapped around the Borders bookstore. There was two rows of the line in between bookshelves. One side hide diet books and the other side cookbooks. There were other adventures that evening like my running out of gas in my car for the first time in 20 years. (Except when my ex thought we had gas in the truck, and was incorrect but not on purpose).

However, before I read Deathly Hollows, I am finishing another book called, "The Great Snape Debate". I think Snape will turn out good, but I don't know. There were 7 people reading the book in the various airports that I was in and saw. There were two people just across the aisle on the plane doing so. A couple of other people were reading other books in the series.

I am in Reno, Nevada visiting my family. It's very strange not to have Elizabeth or Cary here. Elizabeth came with the me the last couple of times. They have really rebuilt downtown. It's beautiful. I think my brother and I will go down tomorrow.

Fallen Soldier

2007-07-06T09:43:00.000-05:00

Tribute to SFC Raymond Buchan- died under enemy fire Iraq 7 1 07

Kim wrote a really good tribute to him. He's one that the group knitted socks for.

She quoted Abraham Lincoln:

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves, and with all nations. Abraham Lincoln

So there. That is why I knit for SFS constantly.

Reading and Knitting and the 4th of July

2007-07-06T09:17:00.001-05:00

What do the above have in common? Since my little person is out of town until Sunday, I read and knitted on the 4th of July. I figure a good way to honor the 4th is to knit for our soldiers. My husband agreed and made picnic foods he said to free me up to knit. The only problem is that I kept getting sleepy, so I also took a couple of cat naps. It was still raining (and has been for two weeks), so we didn't do fireworks either.

Kim from SFS had a contest. I didn't know any answers for the history questions she asked. (Sigh!). My husband answered one, and I won a contest for being a close answer. However, the quote that others guessed was:

Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances.Thomas Jefferson

I'm going to work on remaining cool and unruffled. I'm sure it will help my physical body a lot to work on stress. I'm going to work tomorrow morning as well to try and get caught up at work. That should help some.

I have been knitting more than reading lately. I do read my church manual "Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball". He was prophet from when I joined the church to the 80's, so I remember him growing up. I read 20 minutes a night. This year I'm going to catch up on all the past lessons I haven't read in the past manuals.

The other book I finished is "Die My Love" by Kathryn Casey. It's a true crime book. I don't even remember when I started it. I do remember why. I was stuck in line at the branch of the bank that is inside one of the grocery chains. Due to being very broke, I had to deposit my check inside on a Friday late afternoon with everyone else, so I was stuck in line. However, where the line was located was in front of the book section, so I picked up the book and read the back cover, then the introduction. I decided to get it and have found it interesting.

I once asked a friend of mine, Randy Austin, who was a history professor and the smartest person I knew (he died last year) what his favorite book was. He said one of his favorites was "Night" by Elie Wiesel. I asked him how (nicely) how he and others could enjoy a book that dealt with a subject so sad (the holocaust). His answer was that it was well written and informative on a subject he found interesting. He found the question of why people do what they do interesting. I read the book and agreed.

So I have discovered that the reason I watch some crime tv and read some true crime is because I find it interesting to figure out why people do what they do. My stepmother says the same. I think that I also feel somehow safer if I understand human behavior a little better. I guess because then I may be on guard better. I also find that I am aware of how few my problems really are compared to those of other people. I do feel happiness in their sorrow, just grateful.

I don't see the little person until Sunday night late, so I will be reading and knitting this weekend as well.

Panda Cotton Beanie for Socks for Soldiers

2007-06-26T22:48:00.000-05:00

Here it is and here is my little person modeling it.

The shirt she is wearing is one that her stepfather printed at his work. There was a misspelling of the dentist's name on the back. He said that happens occasionally. I told him if he had the opportunity, to bring the tee shirts home. Tee shirts may not be the most glamourous thing to wear, but they don't itch so that is one of the first things I put on. These days comfort way outrules anything else during clothing.

In other news, I finally got my boss paid back for a loan he insisted making to me last December. I worked it off at straight time instead of overtime during the last month. I gave him the last $5 cash I owed him today. One more debt paid off. I'm getting there slowly but surely.

I read a great quote this week. I have mentioned before that I'm LDS (Mormon). Every six months our church has a worldwide conference that is broadcast on satellite. This past April was the last one. I was really struggling at that time with financial concerns and marital concerns. Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk about divorce which due to my occupation is on my mind regularly anyway. He quoted someone else:

There were three parties to our marriage - my husband and I and the
Lord. I told myself that if two of us could hang in there, we could hold
it together.

I think for some time there, it was Cary and the Lord holding on for our marriage. I just became so empty. I've been reading in a depression group that I joined, and emptiness is quite common - you just don't have enough left to care. However, I am grateful that I hung in there those few months, and I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that has guided me to a church with the whole truth. I'm glad for the knowledge that I know Joseph Smith was a prophet and so is Gordon B. Hinkley. I'm glad the Lord loves his people enough to give them prophets to help lead them. I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get. I guess since other people blog about their beliefs, I can about mine. I'm not out to offend anyone, I'm just grateful that my blessings are outweighing my challenges. I'm sure they always do, but I'm just mentioning I'm grateful.

I read something else that said a large portion of depression is lack of gratitude. I think that depression is like a cloud that covers the sun (or Son for that matter). The sun (and Son) are still there, but we can't see them directly. We just have to have faith the son will come out again. That's what I am working toward - the son (and Son) returning again.

Appreciation for SFS

2007-06-26T18:31:00.001-05:00

Check this out. A Soldier made this for the volunteers for SFS. Yeah!!!

I worked on another beanie with some Crystal Palace Panda Cotton that was donated. However, I was at my daughter's softball game and noticed, dang, I made yet another mistake in the ribbing. This time, I had carried the yarn across the back of a stitch without knitting it. Not sure how that happened. Sigh!

Luckily, I had already located the crochet hook, so when I got home, I ripped out that vertical row and redid it. I found a different problem on Sunday with about five or six rows where I had purled when I should have knitted.

I anticipate getting the beanie done tonight and then off it goes to Kim.

Knitting and Itching

2007-06-09T20:46:00.001-05:00

It's me again doing my two usually activities, knitting and trying not to scratch. Today I finished my 8th square for Greensburg. I am going to work on a beanie for SFS tomorrow and the black BBS.

I also bought a softball mitt today and practiced with my daughter a little bit. I know I played softball through church, but I guess someone else had mitts because I haven't ever owned my own. I find myself enjoying my daughter's sports adventures a lot most of the time. I loved volleyball, and we now own one. I loved basketball, and we know have one and a hoop.

I was thinking about the last 12 months, and I have done more knitting for special projects than I remembered, a couple of chemo caps, some small socks for the sock keychains, some squares for Greensburg and some other projects for SFS. I'm not bragging, but just mentioning that I am finding a lot of peace of mind that way. I am sooooo glad that I am blessed to not have arthritis or carpal tunnel.

Bud

2007-06-04T22:34:00.001-05:00

My husband's second cousin (?) died this morning at 3:30 a.m. He had been getting better, but then got bad again. Due to my husband's new job and my current job, we won't be attending the funeral. There is also a limited amount of places to stay in Appleton, Missouri and family will be all tied up with other visitors.

I figured out that my brain is probably about to go. Bud last name is the same as mine. However, our last names are similar to a clients we have whose case I've been typing a lot for. Now, I've been married for almost three years, and I'm a notary and have to sign my name a lot for that and just sending stuff out. However, when I went to get out the piece of paper that has Bud's address on it that I had when mailing Bud's socks, I found I wrote Bud and then give him the client's last name, not Bud's (and now mine).

Another sign. Apparently this weekend I was talking in my sleep again. This happens regularly. My husband thinks it is hilarious and tries to get me to keep doing it. One time I was answering the phone in my sleep and trying to get him to repeat his phone number. He kept giving me different numbers to mess with me.

This time I apparently explained to him that I was going to speak to the judge about his case. First off, I don't speak with judge's directly unless they call directly for my boss. Secondly, I have no idea what he was talking about the next day.

Also, my husband said I was singing in my sleep. Some language he didn't understand (I don't speak any foreign languages) he says. Sigh. I'm glad to entertain him, but no wonder I wake up tired.

I tried prescriptions the doctor recommended. I am told I do the same things in my sleep, but I don't remember anything even more so. Maybe I should start charging my boss overtime for the cases I am working on in my sleep.

Pink Beanie for Sock for Soldiers

2007-06-03T19:40:00.001-05:00

This is what I did today.

It's the free Santa Cruz pattern from knitting pattern central. There have been more requests from soldiers for more beanies, so I am trying to use up my stash of yarn. My husband is encouraging this effort. He would like to see 1/4 of our kitchen floor again. (He says that if I use this up, I can get more). Of course I know that promise is empty.

Truthfully, he is very supportive. He says his effort in for my charity knitting projects is to clean and cook to free me up to do some of it.

I have also completed five squares for Greensburg. I found out this weekend I can use acrylic which will use up stuff I have already that I bought before I started doing most socks.

Stress Management

2007-06-02T19:27:00.001-05:00

I wish I could do better at this. This week at work was really stressful. They got part of the copier working, but right in the middle of a huge project I was trying to get done, it keep jamming. The client whose case I was working on was also at the office. I'm trying to copy tons of stuff for one part of his case, and he's wanting to go through the entire narrative about his divorce for the last two years. Hives got really bad about 4:00 p.m. Since Elizabeth decided to be with her dad and stepmother Friday night, I came home and knit until I fell asleep.

Cary's cousin got better. He's had three heart attacks and emphysema, but he still may get out of the hospital soon.

In other news, it turns out an adoption client who was adopting straight from the hospital in a private adoption of a family member ends up moving and going to church in the same ward (congregation) as my ex husband and his wife. She remembers them from when they were teenagers, and apparently even kissed my ex husband once. She now feels she was led by Heavenly Father to come to our office. So I guess sometimes the work I do makes a difference.

However, I also had two clients for the other attorney yell and scream at me through the phone, both on Thursday and Friday. They both apologized later. It was just the situations they are in. Here is where I express gratitude. I'm grateful my ex husband pays child support like he is supposed to and always has. I'm glad we aren't going through constant court battles over child support, custody, etc. I am also glad that we can communicate with each other without needing the police to intervene. With the client's dramas, I don't need my own. Believe me.

My little one is a pitcher for her softball team at the YMCA. She's left handed as well. I was stunned because she hadn't played softball except a little through school, but she has a talent for it apparently. Their first game is Monday night. Allergy wise, I will be glad when we get back to indoor held sports. I have to really made sure I have prepared myself before watching her practices or practicing with her, but she is really enjoying it, so I can't complain.

Still working on the Solved book. I have been doing more knitting then reading lately. Keeps my hands busy, and then I don't scratch as much. I also found out that I can use acrylic yarn for Greensburg, so I'll be able to get my stash used up. This will make my husband very happy!!

I've decided the next time I splurge on something, it will be a good book holder that I can use while I knit. I can read magazines, but I can't always hold my book open.

This weekend I am trying to get a couple of squares done, a beanie and working on James' socks. I got in touch with someone looking for people to knit feet on to the legs she can machine knit, so I'll be working on those when she gets them to me. These are for SFS. We had been somehow missing each other through emails, but we connected up today. So I am trying to engage in good causes, and whenever I hear about the war in Iraq or what is going on to rebuild Greensburg, I feel like I'm helping a little bit, and I don't feel so helpless. I may not be able to physically go out to Greensburg and clean up or protect our soldiers, but I can help make those people's lives a little easier.